Yeah you can call that title a headline and I guess you could say it has headline value if you’s coming from reality, but we all already know it so well it’s seconded nature knowledge–like yeah we’re animals. But fucked up animals we are, when throwing us in with the rest of the kingdoms out there on the planet that is. Put us up against them and we’re so freakish it makes you wonder if we were planted here or some god damn thing.
Maybe we were! I don’t know. But I can tell you this, they ain’t an animal out there that can do even a .0001 fraction of what we can do. Does that make us higher beings? Fuck no. It just means we have longer and more complex tentacles. Which also means we have much more capacity to damage…which we have demonstrated profoundly. My girlfriend and I kinda argue about this sometimes. She’s always saying that animals could be much more advanced than we know, much more advanced than humans. Well hell yeah my love, I’m saying it right here and now in a public format that yes god dammit, you’re right, humans could be and are likely lower beings than other animals, but just not yet documented by humans let’s say, cuz who knows how whales document shit.
OK so I still gotta and can say, “they ain’t an animal out there that can do even a .0001 fraction of what we can do.” But then I could take that back if you wanna get relative. I mean I can’t climb a 100 foot tree in 25 seconds either, see. So sure, I could be going out on a limb like my gal says, but let’s admit we sometimes gotta look at things in terms of averages. And so I would bet the average ‘person’ animal, though maybe a bit underachieved, would say “they ain’t an animal out there that can do even a .0001 fraction of what we can do.” OK so let’s go from there, please. I know it’s assuming of me to do so, but I gotta start somewhere.
So what is it that sets us apart? I think it goes without saying there are a million different answers to that question all loaded with prejudices. So hell, I may as well go straight to mine, right? Let’s be real, I could not pick the “average” answer, wouldn’t even try. However, I did hear one the other day, don’t even remember the source if I read it or heard it, as I hear and read shit all the time. But yeah they were saying the one big difference about us is we devour, we conquer and that’s how we have survived, basically. As do many animals in one way or another cuz we all take, but the difference with us, the huge difference, is we put nothing back. Well yeah you can say that lions put nothing back, but they shit and that is fertilizer, we can’t use ours, and they are a part of keeping populations in balance, we deplete populations outside of our own . There’s no biological cycle with us. I mean holy fuck, what’s that about?
That’s kiney shitty ain’t it? Well we do have one cycle, babies, it’s a cycle that gets wider is all. And hey the kids get wider too! Lotta fat punks out there. Yeah I’m laughing, I’m the asshole here I admit it. But hey folks c’mon, it’s a deal for sure, let’s be honest. It’s another thing that sets us apart. The only other animals that unnaturally get fat besides us are the ones we’ve domesticated. Now I’m making that up you know, I don’t gotta fact on it, so you go ahead and look it up and let me know, I’m just gonna assume it, plus it sounds good in this context.
But yeah, we do all kinds a shit that sets us apart. But ya gotta look at what impacts a species has had if you’re gonna look at things from averages like we agreed. OK so I mean you tell me. Impacts? Holy fuckama you couldn’t count all the impacts we’ve had on planet earth if we used all our fingers, toes, eyes, ears, balls and buns…and our dicks too. I mean if you took all the dicks of all the guys in the city of St. Paul Minnesota, you might be getting close to the number of impacts humans have had on planet earth. Well…yeah, I’m guessing this too, but still.
OK so that’s really it, that’s all I wanted to leave you with. Just think about it, that’s what we are known for by all our brother and sister species, ‘the conquer and devour” animal, they must hate us and it makes you wonder what the fuck’s the matter with dogs. Thanks for listening.