I’s over to a neighbor’s last night, he’s got tv and we watched a program on Pivot about the plastic island existing in the Pacific. I saw the Albatross’s stomachs full of plastic, the turtles twisted up in poly bands, I saw the tiny bits of plastic by the thousands of tons floating in the sea, the island covered with heaps of trash, all that you’ve heard about already I’m sure. They said there is nothing can be done about it, it will be there forever. Too much to move, and besides, where the hell else is it gonna go?
Oh and then there’s a hundred other heaps of trash I see coming into my view, all over the god damn place. Oil spills, vanishing bees, dried up fields, methane burps, rising CO2, bombings blowing kids to pieces, and now major institutions such as the UN declaring climate change to be “irreversible”. And I think oh god damn it hurts, god damn it hurts. Tears may come to me, lumps in my throat…it’s a special kind of pain I suppose. It’s a pain that you might think doesn’t belong inside you, that maybe you don’t even deserve to feel it as you sit and open a bottled water. You know you’re only human, you know you’ve grown up in a world destine to destruction, why not drink from the poisonous bottle. And so you do.
You may think I’m setting you up to ask you to change, I’m not. I hope and wish we could change, but so far we are not budging. Yeah I’ll continue to try and stay away from bottled water, I got my Britta jug (though made of plastic). We are locked in because I am sure there is some computer model out there that has calculated that for every person who has actually changed and somehow has escaped the behaviors of destruction, there’s ten more trying and failing, and ten more than that who wouldn’t lift a finger. That’s a reality to face inside and somehow let it go to keep from despair.
I am coming to the place where I no longer ignore what is coming to be the inevitable, instead I am finding that for some reason I need to embrace it. I can say to myself and not feel guilty, ‘only a miracle now’. From there, I am determined to lift my spirit to a safe zone of serenity, peace and maybe even some kinda love. It’s though a guy now must be destined to spiritual relief, that or be angry, sad and most assuredly depressed. And so I let that pain go all the way down into my tailbone, where some kind of magic dissolves it, and I see the beauty wherever it may be.