In part one of this series I focused on the making of an Outsider and its definition. In this segment I wish to focus on the life of an Outsider, how does he or she get by and live in a world that they are in stark contrast with. In truth I can speak to this well as I have lived in just about every arena an Outsider can live in, from homelessness and crime to hiding how you really feel in the midst of a sales meeting. Yeah, I was an insurance salesman in my early ears, go figure.
When I said “get by” there earlier I could say that’s it in a nut shell and stop right there. Whatever success an Outsider can achieve in the world of free enterprise will usually be on small scales and very short term. Just to note, it is my guess that in a percentage breakdown of the Outsider population in America only a small portion of them are going to be on the street or are outlaws, an even smaller percentage at the top, the percentage would get slightly bigger between the middle and the top, and the largest portion in the poverty to lower middle class range. Each class has it’s on set of rules on being an Outsider, but all of them simply “get by”.
It’s an emotional thing, out here it is emotionally cold. You are either living in the cold on the street, or you are hiding the cold inside as you sit in the board room. Admittedly it is coldest on the street both physically and more so emotionally, nevertheless for the Outsider it is always cold.
So I want to talk about this coldness, what is it like? The hardest spot for an Outsider to be in is where they find themselves on the outside going through the motions of our way of life in the market world but on the inside their head is somewhere else, anything from wild orgies in the Bahamas to spiritual retreats in the forest. Wherever they want to be they are not at, and it’s a hell.
You might say that sounds like someone who is simply lost within their tendency to rebel which in turn makes them see things perverted. That’d be kinda true, most Outsiders have some sort of mental and emotional illness and actually do get perverted perceptions, or over radicalized, at least at some point in their journey. If they live long enough, which a terrible many do not, they will usually get over the extremes. You see Outsiders by the very nature of the term are going to be sick, they are going to be angry, and they are going to be lost.
Of course there is a however, and that is Outsiders while having so much personal trouble are in that predicament because of their honesty, their ability to perceive the entire spectrum, and their inability to find a landing place while floating outside of it all. That inability exist because there is no place to land, therefore Outsiders do in fact get rather wacky, at least once in awhile cuz it is unavoidable.
When I say that Outsiders “are going to be lost” you must take that literally, lost in their inner lives that is. Here are the pseudo choices for a place for an Outsider to land:
- a commune
- the street
- living in the normal world but hiding your true self
- living alone in the wilderness
There are not any other choices for the Outsider. Most of these are rather bad choices, depending on the individual. Some really like the idea behind a commune, but the truth is very few communes succeed and even if they did their turnover rate is generally very high. Others may like the street, but the reality is they many times die young there. Though criminals are technically Outsiders and get many thrills, their lives are filled with more turmoil, sickness and death than all the others. Living in the normal world but hiding your true self is comfortable on the outside but a crazy wild ride on the inside. Finally, living alone in the wilderness is maybe the most emotionally secure and safest neutral place to be, but the loneliness is huge.
I have lived in most of these scenarios, actually when I look at it again I have lived in them all, damn, didn’t realize that til now. OK here’s the big. big question many Insiders will ask, “Well if it’s so god damn hard to live that life, then why not just surrender to life as it is presented to you by the majority. Don’t like it? Too bad, accept it and move on.”
Yeah I get that logic, in fact I spent a great deal of my life trying to enact it. The simple answer is it can’t be done. That is because for the true Outsider their view of the majority is literally that they are insane. Therefore, they find it impossible to accept just about any part of it. Many Outsiders grapple with this view, I understand that cuz I have extensively. It’s hard to accuse a majority of any kind as being wrong or insane. But I find myself obsessively making that accusation, though not lightly and not without timidity. Once you’ve come to the place of publically expressing your Outsider views you are always in danger of being labeled an egomaniac that writes and reads manifestos.
OK, that’s it on this series. This is what it is like to be an Outsider. Where do you fit in? Just one more thing to note about the Outsider’s point of view. If you dig into what they are rebelling against, and if you take an unbiased look at what they see, then you will at the very least see why they do what they do. It is logical deduction. That does not mean it will make you an Outsider if you come to understand their plight. You only can become an Outsider when your understanding of the world causes an acute negative reaction to it and automatically moves your ass to start looking for a new place to exist, of which you will not find. When you find yourself in that predicament, you will have joined the ranks of the Outsider.