Mr. Right’s Emotional Disorder

July 2012

In this chapter I am Mr. Right.  Yeah that’s right—I’m right.  I am right about everything in this book…well, quite a bit of it anyway.  Let me put it this way; I believe with all my heart everything I’ve written in this book.  Given that, it means I try my best to live out what I say here and though I wish my best was better,  I still know that I’ve given it my all.  You’d think that because of my great effort to do good that I’d be someone who feels good about themselves therefore giving them a fair shot a having emotional stability.  Wrong. I’m about as fucked up as Hogan’s goat.

I do have “some” good feelings about myself for what I am doing in my life, in fact, I am quite proud of it. But those feelings don’t override all the other instabilities that seeking this way of life entails. So, before you go off on your high horse to save the world like me, you’d better give it many thoughts because you will be in for one hell of an emotional ride and I am sorry to say most of those emotions won’t be very happy.

Within the confines of our present societal norms I will tell you that trying to get away from the system, trying to shout the coming peril to your fellow human beings, and trying to think in a way that is completely the opposite of those around you is exactly the wrong way to find emotional security. You will be banished and it is quite possible no one will even know it, but you will know it because you will be the one who has banished yourself from life as it is and as you grow deeper into this quest you will realize what you have done and man o man does that one hurt, but you get used to it.

Its common sense really, anytime a person runs against the grains of society you are going to be an outcast, you will rub people the wrong way, people will rub you the wrong way and in the end you will find that quite literally you have put yourself in mental and emotional exile.  It doesn’t matter if the society in question is good or bad; it is the mainstream that dictates what happiness is. If you live in a society that believes murder is a good thing, then if you are not murdering then you are going to be considered mal-adjusted and you will become emotionally and mentally crippled by it. If you are murdering then you’ll have friends and emotional security because you will be normal.

Believe me, leaving the system is a very rough road and the irony is though I wish this road for everybody, I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. In the end it becomes none other than a life of loneliness and isolation; not good conditions for a happy life. Oh yeah it’s true; what I am saying is you actually find your self coming to a rather hideous state of poor health.

There is no way around it, you can’t take on becoming a reject of society and keep an emotionally healthy state of being. You want friends don’t you? Well, if you do this thing you will see friends quietly pass you by. And perhaps now I’ve convinced you that the free enterprise system of economics is a bit of a devil and if you believe that then you may find yourself hating your job even though you may have loved it before.  This is because you will be making money and you will see that when you are making money you are supporting the very system you just turned against. But you need money because you gotta eat and then it gets even crazier when that kicks in because it becomes this insane loop of wanting to not participate in this system but having to, it’s a bitch.  The only exception to this is when you have money enough to buy your way out of the system (see Article 2, Appendix 1, Dreams and Debt—A Dichotomy). However, I know that the majority of the folks who will take this on don’t have much money. People with money tend to stay that way…go figure.

A quick admission: If I would have had money before I got into this in 1995 I most likely would not be writing this right now, instead, I’d be spending my money.  I could perhaps say that the only reason I ever got into this is because I failed within the system to become financially sound (not even close) which left me open to something other than what the system offered and it so happened I had the mind to recognize that and began looking for that something. But was I looking because I was some sort of special guy who cared so much about his fellow human beings he was willing to take a cultural dive into never, never land? No. Actually, I am very selfish and I have no natural tendency towards being anything like the Good Samaritan.

So what made me take the final leap?  One word: knowledge.  There is no other reason really. Being a failure was what opened my mind.  But since I didn’t have the character traits that make for a giving man, there wasn’t much impetus to forgo a life of comfort.  The impetus came out of knowledge. I simply knew too much to turn away, get it?  It’s like this: If you worked in a factory that made lethal injection equipment, then how would you feel about your job if your son were on death row? With that knowledge could you forgo your love for your son and do your job, even though it could be that the machine you are making could be the one that kills him? Well get this, when you get a head full of the truth about what the hell we’ve been doing the last 300 years and why, then you really don’t have much choice but to run like hell as far away from what’s happening as you can.  Because see, unless the dad making the kill machine has no heart at all, he will have to quit his job.

As it goes, god damn it, I am still working ‘for money’ and it fucks me up.  I think many times to just quit and walk into the desert or something. I literally get ill behind this scenario and I am continuously an emotional wreck.  I only work just enough to live, about $150 a week, sometimes less.  I have subjected myself to deep poverty in order to do this thing and I wish to hell I could say I am happy about that but I’m not, I want some fucking money.  Of course I want it for the right reason now, which is to invest in a subsistence farm so that from there forward I would not need much money at all and could rejoice in that fact. Thankfully, I no longer want money for money’s sake, at least that feels good and I have emotionally adjusted to it.

But that’s about all I’ve adjusted to. Otherwise, I am nearly clinically depressed, I suffer physical symptoms as well, I have no social life, without friends I continually feel as though I am no one in this world, I am not in the success game and even though I know why I sometimes feel like a looser, and the loneliness becomes unbearable at times.  Finally, there’s the anger and bitterness. I’m sure you’ve picked it up in me thus far. The frustration of not being able to get free of the system’s grip really gets to pissing me off. I’ve come to understand it more, but only recently.  It comes to the point that you realize you are going to get pissed about all this so don’t fight it too much and don’t try to hide it. In any case, the road can be an unhappy one and you should know that. But I hope you travel it anyway so good luck.  I hope I haven’t scared you off because maybe we’ll all get to being whackos someday and as soon as we all get whacko, we won’t be whacko anymore.

Who are we?

I’ll speak mostly about myself in this part as an example but allow me to say that many of the people who will and do get involved in this sort of thing are just about whacko before they even start, just like I was. If you are happy and well adjusted within the system, then why would you leave? No, instead you are likely very mal-adjusted within the system and that makes you…sick.  I’m telling you straight if you do not get honest about this you will find yourself continually taking the wrong turns, take my word for it. I finally realized this about 11 years ago, that is, I realized I had become quite mentally and emotionally affected by this quest. And even before that, about 3 years earlier, I realized that something had happened to me in regard to my impulse to succeed within this economy. I found I’d lost all connection with that impulse, it was sort of weird to come to this but at that time I didn’t think it was affecting my mental state. Of course later on and certainly by now I am fully aware of the condition this has put me in. Oh by the way, it doesn’t really get much better…you more or less adapt.

What happened to us?

I talked about this in chapter 2 of this part of the book “Poverty Consciousness—A four Letter Word”.  But I wish to go deeper into it here. As I said earlier, most of us are whacko before we even begin a quest like this, the quest to leave the system that is. In the chapter I mentioned above I said, “by the time they were about 12 years old they began to see that life in the modern world was sort of out of place, something was wrong and they couldn’t buy into it.”

In the above quote I was referring to the poor who are supposedly afflicted with poverty consciousness but it applies with this topic as well, especially given that most of you wishing to leave the system will have experienced poverty at some time in your life.  If you haven’t most likely you will if you really try to leave the system and don’t have lots of dough to catch the bus. What happens to us within that quote above is somewhere from around 10 to 14 years old we begin to see that what mom and dad do is work. We see all those damn grownups out there—working. And the teachers at school seem to be slipping you the notion that good grades are pretty important if you are going to make it “out there”. Everything happening in the world seems to be revolving around economy and you get the feeling its something pretty serious; that bugs you. Though you may not really understand what you are feeling and seeing about these scenarios, something about them seems wrong.

It is at this moment that a jolt comes to your system, you get sort of scared and timid about what’s going to happen to you. You don’t really seem to jive with what you are seeing but everyone seems to be on the train so what-a-ya-gonna-do? What you do is recoil from these thoughts and bury them.  That’s when you start to get whacko as the guilt and shame begins milling you into a derelict.

From there you can most likely become a struggling student. You may be a trouble maker, but not as likely as you will be sort of a loner. Whatever will be happening to you, most likely you won’t blend to well. And get this, that’s even if you are popular and a good student. Nevertheless you will at least try and keep up, but as you are making that attempt way deep inside that original fear of “what’s gong to happen to you” remains. The reason it remains is because you never have resolved those thoughts of how you can’t jive with the system and so those thoughts also remain deep within you.

I’m sure there are all sorts of case scenarios of how all this turns out. If you are from a “have” family you stand a fair chance of dousing this awakening and perhaps you may carry on to do the same as your parents. If you come from “have not’s ” you’ll have a slim chance of overcoming yourself and most likely you’ll either wind up a drunk, a bum, a neurotic or maybe even psychotic, whatever…you’ll be something fucked up as far as the system goes. OR, you’ll decide to leave the system and find out who you really are.

Again, this is a different group of people I am talking about here as oppose to the poor in general that were talked about in the afore mentioned chapter. Though the poor in general are subject to this line of thinking very few of them will recognize it.  Those that do usually don’t see it until they are long past their youth.  It takes some hard knocks to eventually return to those thoughts you had when you were 12 and pay heed to them.

In conclusion I think I can safely say that if you are someone attempting to leave or have left the system then it is likely you’ll fit somewhere in the preceding paragraphs. In my case it will get better when I am able to get my subsistence farm at least in a little bit of a swing. But the truth is it could be many years, as of last week I’ve been at this for 17 years. It could happen that I may not get to have this farm before I am gone. If that is so, I’ll have lots of accepting to do. But you see there is no way I’ll ever turn away and go back. Even with the pain it has all been worth it. As I look towards my future I can not see myself becoming a cordial member of the free enterprise system ever again, even to death.

Hopefully many of you out there will find a softer easier path than mine has been. I am sure there are many of you who will, I hope so, we need some success on this. There will be many of you who will suffer like I have; many of you are suffering right now I am sure. But hopefully, like me, you will find that it is no loss in your life and that as a 21stcentury human being you will still feel fortunate to have known what to do, or at least try to do and why.

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pagan-goddess-mother-earth1I don’t know if that image there has anything to do with what I’m about to say, but I liked it for it anyway.

Yeah see here’s the deal about the collective mind. Sure there’s no rules or supposed to be’s, of course, life happens and we go where we go, I’m talking from the perspective of a collective species here, but I suppose if you have a personal belief or religion guiding you, then maybe there’s some supposed to be’s. But I don’t know that there is any universal thought on supposed to be’s for a species as a collective. And we all got supposed to be’s for ourselves, but are there supposed to be’s for a species that are naturally ingrained, or are obviously necessary? For instance, “murder is wrong” seems to be a needed or established rule within a species.

Now I think there would be signals out there that would tell a species that something is wrong with it and that it is not adhering to its supposed to be’s; that is if it’s true that species actually do have supposed to be’s. Like say when it becomes obvious that a species is on it’s way out but there appears to be no outside force causing the decay. Is it because that species is not adhering to its own supposed to be’s? Yeah I think so.

Yeah see I think we do have one major supposed to be for our collective human existence but we let it go of a long time ago. And the irony is the broken rule is that we’ve made it OK for an individual to not be at the service of the collective. Yeah that was a rule we live by for hundreds of thousands of years, your first lesson as a kid was to devote yourself to your tribe or band. Your life was second to the collective. We don’t do that anymore, in fact, our devotion is to self interest rather than community interest and our relationship to each other is competitive rather than cooperative. Worse yet, we’ve collectively deemed this as virtuous.

Well it’s just a thought, cuz right or wrong about it, it’s likely too late to correct it anyway. But if it ain’t and by golly there actually are supposed to be’s for us as a collective, then I hope we at least begin now to understand that there is such a thing as a collective and it has responsibilities to itself, ain’t it?

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Non-Participation: The Nth Degree

imagesWell I believe in doing this blog I’ve said just about all I can say, I am already repeating myself quite a bit. So this “last post” is going to cover something I’ve not talked about in quite some time, and that is non-participation, it’s a big deal. Oh, what I mean by ‘last post’ is I’m not going to be addressing the subjects the same anymore, expect anything, but this is the last educating post. If you don’t believe or like what I been saying then…well, whatever. But if you should happen to agree in some manner, then perhaps this discussion will put it all into a singularity. It boils down to this, I can’t save the world, but I don’t have to participate in its destruction.

Yeah OK, what’s that mean? In recent post I’ve discussed the issue of relying on government to save the day. I’ve said that if you lined up all the congress’s of the world with totally environmental, social justice, anti-capitalists representatives, but didn’t have a changed public or more precisely a super majority of the public in line with this sort of congress, then you may as well line up congress with a whole set of Ted Cruz’s. Well, I said it sorta like that, but with a bit more emphasis this time. In short, it’s us, you and me, that have to change, not congress, they’ll change when we do.

So, here we’re gonna talk about what that change precisely is. I’ve alluded many times to people needing to plant food, catch water from their roofs, reduce their income and many other things along this subject. But what I want to do here is create the name or the label that identifies this action, I call it non-participation. And the idea behind that term is that we’ve concluded that economic growth and the free enterprise system of economics has failed and is more or less a deadly system for civilization to endure, therefore it needs to be shut down. We also can clearly see the government is no way going to shut down this system, cuz they and their corporate bosses are the root backbone of the system. What sustains that system is market activity. What will bust that system is a lack of participation in said market activity. You don’t buy it, they won’t make it.

I could stop here cuz it really is as simple as that last sentence in that last paragraph. The deal is it’s a god damn hard thing to do, especially to get a super majority of the global population to do it. Most will say, “Yeah like I want to reduce the size of my house from 3000 square feet to just 800. and oh, I gotta give up the rest of my space to the needy, yeah right.” I ain’t gonna spend words on the details of non-participation; really, it is self explanatory. The idea is too remove yourself from participating in the ways and means of the free market system as far as you are able. We have to be real, you can’t just jump out of your BMW and your 20 acre compound and onto an old bicycle heading to a “van down by the river”. However, you can try, can’t you? I mean, goes as far to that place as you can, cuz see, that’s kinda where we all gotta go, at least for a time.

If you need a road map for this, there is one very easy guide: money. The less money you have, the less you’ll be participating.  Believe me, this is not being over simplistic, it is a fact, the surest and quickest way to be uninvolved with the system is to not have much of the substance that moves you through it. Cuz see, that’s the whole idea behind the free market system, to move money around, it needs you to do that. The more money you have, the more involved with the system you are, even when it is just sitting in the bank and being used to fund charities. “ALL” money spent, from whatever source, will be money spent again on sources that are bad. It’s just the way it works, it’s the math that runs our world, and it’s a deadly math. Want to stop it? Then don’t have much money.

Oh yes, there is so much more to non-participation, but the idea is quite elementary. You get it already I’m sure. It’s the difficulty, that’s the bitch. The sacrifice, the pain, yeah, it’s a fucking ordeal. If everybody started doing it real soon and real quick, then chaos will be assured. But see, there is no way at this point we will avoid chaos, either we’ll start up the chaos ourselves and control its magnitude, or we’ll let it catch up to us and blow us off the planet, it’s our choice.

My personal life has attempted to demonstrate this non-participation thingy. I live in a tiny shack, catch and haul water, have an outdoor compost toilet, live on less than 10K per year, all that. But I could take it much further, however, I won’t. It’s too hard. But I can say I am doing my best to be a non-participant in the insanity of free enterprise. And I don’t really give a shit if my impact is worthless in the scheme of things. Because I can’t participate in this system without regret and depression anyway, so I do it regardless of outcome.  Knowledge, in this case, is my demise concerning wealth. I can’t pursue wealth while carrying in my head what I know about wealth. It’s impossible. Hopefully, the rest of the world can be faced with this demise and accept it. Sounds like miracle to me though, but maybe.

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Seeing the Magnitude: The Four Directions of Human Condition

imagesThere actually is an awakening that can happen to a person, it happened to me…see if you can get it too. It is an awakening of very specific sorts. It is a point in which you see the four directions of the human condition at one simultaneous moment. Once that moment occurs you will never forget it and you’ll always be able recapture the awakening.

The reason you can hold on to this mindset is because of the magnitude of what you will see. The ultimate magnitude of the collection of these four directions of the human condition equates to one final outcome, extinction. And that is what you will eventually see and is also the fundamental awakening you will experience. The result is you see the reality of the human condition in full, exact, and without prejudice. It is quite an experience. It may happen suddenly, or it may come in parts, but if you put in the work to get this open eye, you will eventually awaken.

There is nothing magical about this, it is the result of gathered knowledge that is more or less memorized and then coagulated into a single thought. That is the process and you won’t get there by shortcuts. However, some can get it quicker than others.

Here’s how. Look at the graphic below; see the four different directions of economic growth, destruction, inequality, and ethical decay.  Each of these subjects need to be studied and understood thoroughly. That is, thoroughly in the manner that you understand them from the perspective of their net impact on humanity’s overall condition. As you study each direction, keep in mind that economic growth is the central driver of all that is happening in these various directions.  Studying economic growth by itself will demonstrate this. The bottom line, know these subjects well. Study them from as many angles and venues as you can, then find the common denominator to draw a generalized conclusion about the subject.


Once you have made a good study and have made conclusions about each direction humanity is taking,. Start to think of them as a collective subject. Maybe even personify them into a single entity, a human character if you will. See who that person is. As you think this way and try to understand these four directions we are taking as a single direction it is then that the light starts to get bright. Something like that, you’ll need to find your own way with this. But know this, the outcome is quite definite, you “will” have an awakening, and it will profoundly affect your outlook on life and humanity. Good luck.

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Jesus and His Sidekick Pope Francis

changing-face-of-jesus-07-0312-lgndownload (1)I just gotta gotta gotta write about this Pope Francis, I think I’m in love. Oh and Jesus too, after all, he’s the one responsible for this guy Francis, well, both of them actually. I see him walking right out of the fires of hell, the hell of corruption, of violence, greed, and a one big fat ‘fuck you’ human attitude towards each other.  He’s coming from out of that midst and saying simply to let it go, kinda like Jesus did.

Yeah you know we gotta think about this Jesus fella in all this.  I ain’t no Christian, whoa no…no. Let’s don’t go there. But I can listen, and I can hear what someone is saying. Jesus said “love one another”. Yeah I get that, I mean I really get that, it’s all right there, that’s why I get it. Humm, so this Pope Francis is taking that quite literally in his message, see, I mean he’s washing the feet of inferiors for criminey sake, he’s drives a common sedan, lives in the lowest dwellings he can find at the Vatican, get it? He’s setting a fucking example! Now you get it?

Jesus also said, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  Well dah! Yeah see there you go, that’s what this Pope is doing, he’s saying listen to this Jesus of Nazareth man.  He’s making it real simple for us, yeah see cuz if you only do things to other people outside of yourself that you would like to see them do to you, or not do to you, well then, I mean c’mon, what-a-we-waiting-for? Has there ever been a better path to follow? Jesus and this Pope are right on, I mean in their words they are. “Love one another”, Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Good enough for me.

But there is one more thing that Jesus and the Pope have got to say that ties the whole deal up in to one simple plan. I’s having this conversation with my girlfriend the other day. She was trying to tell me about her reaction to life as it is, why she feels impelled to bring beauty to the world through her art. And god dammit it she is right. She talked about a woman tortured by a rapist and then raped and killed. And then I suppose a reaction needs to be there to counter it, see? There has to be beauty, healing, nourishment. And so Jesus said this one other deal, “heal the sick and feed the poor”. Alright now god dammit, that’s it right there, that we can do, that is an explicit instruction that requires hands and feet as well as heart.

So let’s us heathens not be afraid of Jesus and his sidekick the 21st Century Pope.  We ain’t gotta go being holyrollers or Republicans or anything like that, but we damn sure gotta listen to reason. Jesus gave the reason of the universe, love. So, love it is.

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President Ted Cruz’s Inaugural Address: January 4th, 2025

imagesMy fellow Americans, thank you for the opportunity you have given me to serve this great nation and all it entails. It is an honor to be the 45th person sworn into this great office. Our time has come, and the challenges we face are dire. It is in this context that I address you tonight. This will not be and inaugural address “for me”, but for all of us, not just America, but the entire world.

In 2018, President Elizabeth Warren commissioned a study on the overall course of humanity. In other words, a study to determine our trajectory as a species in relation to the planet in which we live, and all the life therein. The study was a collaboration from every field of academia known to man; from biology to physics, economics to anthropology, to psychology, sociology, zoology, technology, all the sciences, all the humanities, everything. The group concluded the study in June, 2024, the final cost was 80 billion dollars. Now I know you have not heard about this project, it has been kept secret. The funds were not carried by the US alone, all of Europe was involved, China, Russia, India, Australia, New Zealand, Pakistan, all the island nations, all of Africa, all of Asia…every government from every nation was involved.

In 2021, or about midway through the study’s duration, a preliminary report was released from the group’s executive board. The report was nothing more than a cautionary warning as to what the likelihood of what was going to be the final report I have here in my hand today (holds up an 300 page document).  I regret to say that in essence, this report in my hand is exactly the same as the report I read in 2021, just ever so more conclusive. Five major conclusions were drawn, all of equal weight:

–Humanity’s present course is set to extinction of itself, and at least 50% of all life on the planet.

–Water for industrial and agricultural use will be depleted by the end of 2025

–Given that our economy can no longer insure itself, the next billion dollar or more disaster will collapse the banks and the world’s economy with them.

–Our nuclear and bio-chemical inventories will not be able to be maintained in the wake of collapse.

–It is the ultimate conclusion of this study, that all markets, all industry, all economic activity, must be shut down within the next 25 years or a mass extinction event is a 100% certainty within the next 35 years.

I know that most of you were not expecting an inaugural speech to consist of the doom of modern humans, but I am sorry to say, the study has been reviewed many times and many different ways, all leading to one conclusion: we must shut down our current mode of existence. It has become deadly to a certainty, we all know it, we are seeing it before our eyes, we have no choice but to surrender. Our way of life has come to an end, let us hope by grace of some kind we are saved from ourselves.

Starting tomorrow all Americans will be receiving a package to let them know what is expected of them, what is going to take place, and specifically what you are personally to do first. Each city has been assigned a czar and an extending task force. You will be hearing from them within the next few days. Good luck my fellow Americans, our work has just begun.

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We’re Still Dying

downloadYou know I get out here and I don’t know what the hell to do, know what I mean? I don’t wanna see no god damn doom shit going on, does anybody?  Oh yeah it’s fun to talk about when it’s only a theory, and anyone who can’t see we past that stage decades ago is probably rich or some god damn thing.  Then some group comes to me wanting me to help out with their program only to realize in the end I’m supporting the same shit that put in this fucking hole. Where the fuck do I find the sanity, where’s the reality, where’s the evolution we need to pull our collective ass out of the fire, huh?

It’s gone! Gone down the hole of the free enterprising slave drive we’ve been on the last 200 years. Gone down the anal cavity of fame, fortune, and expensive blow jobs. Gone to the middle class Sunday football game, to the ticketed floors of Wall Street, the bouncing balloons of car lots and pocketed to the pennies your mama had you save cuz you were to be a good kid.

What the fuck’s an American suppose to be anyway? Some kinda spending machine, a voting unit, a mover of money, what? I mean holy shit were marching ourselves right into hell and we think we got our balls all tucked neatly into our shitty underwear. What sorta wake up call are we gonna need? Even if it comes too late, which it will, we’re still gonna get it. We might be 10,000 left on the planet, but at some point we’ll go, “we gotta change”.

But that’s besides the freaked out point, see, cuz right now the idea of change is so far from the collective mind of humanity we may as well literally shoot for the stars. So we’re doing all kinds of dances to show that we…we…care? Is that it, care? Nah I don’t think so, I think we’re showing IPhones. We’re showing lots of intellectual debate, smart guy stuff, ‘I know a lotta shit’ stuff, but beyond that, we ain’t showing dick. We are getting smart though, well informed at least. But so far, we’re still dying.

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